NEITHER SAINTS NOR SINNERS
When I am explaining compassionate communication I sometimes get the reaction that people think they have to be ‘good’ to use it and that they are ‘bad’ if they do not use it
Compassionate communication is a different way of talking; it’s a way of being more in tune with how we may be feeling in the moment.
There are lots of times when I am feeling angry and resentful that all I want to do is hurt back by sarcasm or attacking by inducing guilt. These may not be the ‘right’ way of communicating but at that moment in time that may be all I can/want to do. That is ok I do not need to punish myself by deciding I was communicating ‘badly’.
But I also know that by responding in this way I will not get a harmonious resolution. By using cc for my own self-development I am more likely to increase harmony in my life much more quickly and effectively. By tuning in more quickly to what feelings and needs drove my behaviour I am better able to change my responses and in this way enable a resolution that meets all our needs.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
19/05/2008 at 01:10 pm
I agree with this blog, often when I feel myself getting angry all I want is to lash out and say something hurtful - as you can imagine this gets me no where!
I have slowly but surely started to take a deep breath when I am angry and make sure that I just express how I am feeling and why I may be reacting in this way - this has a much higher success rate!!!
The more people that I tell about compassionate communication, the more and more times I have felt that what is tripping people up is blame, fault, assumptions, etc. Although at the time my angry housemate’s only want me to take their side and agree that who-ever or what-ever has annoyed them are mean, horrible, an idiot, etc. Once they have calmed down they can see that this was not at all productive and they then find that by using compassionate communication they can sort out the issues that are causing them to get so angry and upset. If this involves another person, it means that they can express their needs to them, meaning that the other person (who is most of the time unaware that they have “caused” so much upset) can be sensitive to the other person’s needs and maybe express themselves differently in the future.
Thank you Talking For Peace!