15/02/2008 by Ellie at TFP.

Some words break down to reveal a hidden meaning.

For example there is a hidden “Ass” in the word assume.

Assume => ass-u-me

I think this is a brilliant breakdown of the word! We frequently say Oh I assumed you meant …….. or I assumed you wanted me to do…….. or I assumed you had done it……… We say this so often and then we try to put the blame on the other person when there has been a mix-up. Or we get upset because the other person is not ‘grateful’ when we have done something without checking it out first.

One important rule of compassionate communication is to check things out ; get clarity: don’t assume! When we ‘assume’ we can actually behave like an ass.

This can be particularly evident with children: as parents we ‘assume’ we know what is ‘for the best’ for our children. We interfere without consultation. My son will say to me ‘Don’t assume!’ when I have done something to be ‘helpful’. This jumping in to be helpful causes many arguments between parents and children, especially teenagers. They are fighting for their autonomy and we as parents constantly assume we know what they want without properly hearing their requests.

So don’t you be the ‘ass’ in assume. Instead be clear what it is you want to achieve and check out the situation with those around you before you ‘ass-u-me’.

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04/02/2008 by Ellie at TFP.

I was talking about teasing and humour the other day and we ended up realising that a lot of ‘humour’ is usually a joke at someone else’s expense.  It is actually a very thin line between being humorous  and hurtful.  If we are the butt of someone else’s comments how we react will very much depend on our confidence and emotional state at that given moment. eg most of the time I can laugh when my son makes fun of me but if I have had a bad day I am much more sensitive to criticism and will retaliate sharply.  Which then surprises him and he will say ‘Oh stop being so stressy’

As adults we are usually more able to take ‘it’ as well as dish it out.  However teenagers are especially  good at dishing out but become very indignant and upset if  we laugh or tease them back.  To be able to take  teasing in one’s stride necessitates having a strong sense of self; I think most teenagers are very self-conscious and still trying to define themselves and thus get very uncomfortable and embarrassed if teased (especially by adults or teachers).

I know for myself that if I am in a light mood lots of things can be funny but if I am feeling low or have had an argument then I tend to be over-sensitive and defensive.  These sorts of crossed wires can get even more tangled up if we now add the mediums of texts or emails! What I  send off as a slight teasing comment may be misinterpreted as a jibe by the recipient if they are feeling low or vulnerable as they do not hear the laughter in my mind!  I often think that lots of pub fights may be caused by people thinking they are being laughed at: someone is laughing at a joke, they turn their head still laughing and accidently catch the eye of someone who then thinks he is being laughed at!

These sorts of scenarios just illustrate how subjective humour can be and we need to be really sensitive to the needs of those around us before trying to ‘inject humour’ in an attempt to ease  tension in an uncomfortable situation.

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