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- 17/04/2009: It’s Only Banter – Just Harmless Banter!
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- 13/03/2009: To Write or Not To Write – Julie Myerson?
- 19/11/2008: Whose Life is it Anyway?
- 31/08/2008: The Violence Within Us
- 12/06/2008: Respect!
- 15/05/2008: Jimmy Mizen - One Of Many Teenagers Killed
- 20/04/2008: Helicopter Parents And All That!
- 17/03/2008: Listening Differently
- 15/02/2008: ASSUME - What's In A Word?
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ASSUME - What’s In A Word?
Some words break down to reveal a hidden meaning.
For example there is a hidden “Ass” in the word assume.
Assume => ass-u-me
I think this is a brilliant breakdown of the word! We frequently say Oh I assumed you meant …….. or I assumed you wanted me to do…….. or I assumed you had done it……… We say this so often and then we try to put the blame on the other person when there has been a mix-up. Or we get upset because the other person is not ‘grateful’ when we have done something without checking it out first.
One important rule of compassionate communication is to check things out ; get clarity: don’t assume! When we ‘assume’ we can actually behave like an ass.
This can be particularly evident with children: as parents we ‘assume’ we know what is ‘for the best’ for our children. We interfere without consultation. My son will say to me ‘Don’t assume!’ when I have done something to be ‘helpful’. This jumping in to be helpful causes many arguments between parents and children, especially teenagers. They are fighting for their autonomy and we as parents constantly assume we know what they want without properly hearing their requests.
So don’t you be the ‘ass’ in assume. Instead be clear what it is you want to achieve and check out the situation with those around you before you ‘ass-u-me’.
One Response to “ASSUME - What’s In A Word?”
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19/05/2008 at 12:45 pm
My boyfriend recently fell ill and because he is away from home at university I thought that it would be nice of me to get him a few things from the shop so that he did not need to leave his house. After I dropped the bag off with his house-mate I returned home feeling like I had done my good deed for the day only to be upset when he sent me a text saying “why do I never leave things alone, and that he had said that he didn’t need anything”. I felt extremely upset from this text and immediately sent him an angry text back with obvious undertones that I thought that he was being ungrateful.
After I had had some time to think I realised that I had ASSUMED that what I thought was a nice idea, was the same for my boyfriend.
I then sent him an email saying that I had not meant for the gesture to annoy him and explained my reasoning behind it so that he would not ASSUME anything behind the gesture either. I then said that I would not do anything else but that if he needed me then he could ask me. By learning to not assume things we have managed to get through a very stressful period by simply stating our needs and not assuming that the other person’s needs are the same as our own.